No more shame, No more guilt, No more regret – ONLY SELF-LOVE!!
The question of how I can be consistent with following through (with anything, not just weight loss) is the bane of my existence! Crossroads are plentiful. Every day I make choices. Every day I make the same choices as I did yesterday. Sometimes that is good, sometimes it’s not. Forming habits can be good, forming habits might not be good. But remember…
We never make bad decisions, we just make choices. Sometimes we don’t like the outcome, sometimes we do, but we always learn no matter which way we’ve gone. I look back on my life and I wouldn’t change one second. I’m not proud of some of my choices, but I would never want anything to change because I wouldn’t be the person I am today if things were changed.
So how have I transformed over the years? How do I make decisions now? It is very simple, I ask one question as I am struggling for an answer. I ask one question when I’m not sure what to do. I ask one question when I don’t feel like doing something but know I should. I ask one question when I am about to tell someone I’ll commit to their request of me but really don’t want to do it. I ask one question that never fails me.
Which choice honors me the most?
This is the best question you can ask. And, definitely NOT selfish? How many times have I wondered if I made the right decision? How many times have I skipped out on the gym workout or said, “oh just one more, it won’t make a difference”? How many times have I committed my time, talent, or treasure to someone or something with regret or not really wanting to do it, but felt obligated because of tradition or rules I thought I needed to abide by? And meanwhile, doing all that stuff for others leaves no time or energy left for me. The answer to all of these is many.
So, recently, I had a very eye opening experience pertaining to this idea. I was at a women’s business retreat and the leader read a mediation that got us thinking about all the opportunities ahead and positive things that could come from growth. We then discussed how growth was going to affect us, our clients, our team, our home life. After that, she read a mediation that pertained to the “risks” of growth. What happens if you are nor ready for growth, what if you don’t grow… Then she asked us to write down how we felt about the risks of growth and essentially the negative aspects that a business owner could face. This was so difficult for me because I don’t use the word risk in general, so I crossed it out and wrote “challenge.” The only thing I wrote had to do with relationships. Like, if we got to busy if could stress people out, stuff like that. Otherwise the entire meditation made me uncomfortable and I really did not want to do it, but I did.
We went around the table and another participant, Renee said, “Lauree, I’m sorry, but I wrote nothing down because risk and no growth are just NOT in my wheelhouse! So, when you were reading, I put up my protection bubble and did not listen to what I considered to be a negative meditation.” Lauree (the woman running the event), did not even blink an eye, as if that were allowed! She said very good and she went to the next person.
I quickly raised my hand and said, “Wait a second, you were allowed to do that?! This mediation made me very uncomfortable, but I didn’t NOT want to participate because that was not the direction given, that wasn’t in the rules.” Renee then asked me why I would do something if it made me uncomfortable. She said if it didn’t honor your belief system and it made you feel bad, why would you do it? “Great question, I guess I was equating my uncomfortable feeling to maybe me not wanting to get out of my comfort zone.” I said.
But after thinking about it, my conclusion came down to the fact that my belief systems say that I have to follow all rules and I do not usually question the leader unless it’s egregious. This situation was not that, so I followed the rules and didn’t question the leader. But meanwhile, I didn’t want to do it because honestly, the meditation was putting me in a temporary state of fear, which I had to work on removing for quite a few minutes after it was over. To me, this shows dishonoring not me wanting to stay safe in my comfort zone, so if I did ask the question, What would honor me most, when I got uncomfortable, I might have thought about not doing the exercise.
Asking myself this question, has set me free.
I am free from self-doubt, self-rejection, and beating myself up because I no longer have the should’a, would’a, coulda’s thing going on. When I do the honoring thing, I don’t have regret.
Please keep one resolution this year: You will burn this question in your head and ask it continually to yourself. If you keep a journal, keep a daily record of how you honored yourself. It takes practice, and it is still NOT the first thing I think of, but I’m getting better.
Author Sandra Taylor says, “The intention to honor yourself recognizes your eternal worth. It also helps you to make more healthy and beneficial decisions and keeps you on the path of self-mastery.
It’s never dishonoring to another if you choose to honor yourself. Of course, others may get frustrated and even angry if you start to move in this direction after you have allowed dishonoring in the past. But if this is the case, the choice to self-honor is definitely one of your soul’s purposes – so do it!
Use this as your inner barometer. If you are honest with yourself, you will know in your heart what honors you. And when you do, you may need to muster up some courage and strength in order to make the honoring choice.
I know you can do this because I have done this.
We are all equally capable.
It’s a matter of where you place your priorities.
Are you a top priority in your life?