What Failing My Own Program Taught Me About Permanent Weight Loss

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What Failing My Own Program Taught Me About Permanent Weight Loss


What Failing My Own Program Taught Me About Permanent Weight Loss


As a weight loss coach and owner of a weight loss business, finding a permanent weight loss solution has always been a focus. But my personal battle with maintaining my weight loss goal became more difficult in December 2016, the year my mom passed away from a two-year battle with ovarian cancer.  


Rewind to four years earlier, I was in my early 40’s and had finally learned how to lose weight and keep it off…or so I thought. My program had worked so well for me. I felt that I had crossed a barrier and found a new path to a healthy lifestyle that I could actually maintain. And then mom got sick.


I started putting weight on about a year into her cancer journey and continued to gain weight until the end of 2017– a year after she passed.  Over that two-year time frame, I gained 15-22 pounds. Right now, as I write this, I am still 20 pounds over my goal weight (compared to January 2012 when I first did this program).


The weight gain has caused me to examine what really happened over that difficult time frame.  I had to ask myself a million questions in order to figure this out: I didn’t do the things I encourage my clients to do, the things that I know work.


Not only has dealing with the higher weight been difficult but so have these thoughts of feeling like a hypocrite.  I am very hard on myself and, as someone who tries to be a role model to others on this journey, I hold myself to higher standards.  I have tried and failed on my own program several times over the last two years.


Over the last 8 months, I refused to do the program at all. Why? I knew that I still had to defeat a mental hurdle. I needed to learn something about myself and my grief. And if I did the diet, it would remove the weight problem, but not the root problem. And that’s not a long-term solution.


Every time a new client asked me if I still had my weight off, I would have to tell them no, and explain what had happened.  Each time a client would ask, I would walk away asking myself… what happened? And even though I didn’t get the answer I needed right away, I knew I would figure it out sooner or later.

Yesterday, September 13, 2018, I figured it out. And now, I can say confidently that I am finally free from this situation. That’s what I want to share with you.

This past week, I went to a sound healing service in Monroe with Rev. Naomi Fay.  She was complaining of back pain and I offered my Deep Tissue Therapy services to her.  She came in on Thursday, got work done and when we were chatting afterward, we somehow got into a conversation about my mom.  As I was speaking to her, she stopped me and said when you speak of your mom, all I see is tiny purple flowers – Chrysanthemums.  They are fragile, your mom was very fragile. She got tears in her eyes and I said yes, she was. I told her that ever since I was little, I knew I needed to take care of her.  I would fake being sick often because I didn’t want to go to school and leave her.


As I got older and moved out, I felt relieved.  But with that relief also came guilt about feeling that way. I rarely called her or stopped by the house.  She always made the effort to come and see me which was fine, but I was not usually the one reaching out to her. She always tried getting the family together and put on special events as reasons for us to come together.  She always tried making it perfect and beautiful, which it was. I know she didn’t understand why this dynamic was happening between us, and neither did I, but she kept trying.


When my mom got sick, I insisted that she was going to fight this and win.  I jumped in immediately with nutrition and supplements and things she should do to win the battle– she wasn’t very consistent, but I kept it up. Trying to fight the battle for her. But after a while, I let go of trying and realized that this was hers.  This past year, I had my first breakthrough pertaining to our relationship. And I wrote about it in this BLOG from Mother’s day.


Then Naomi went on, channeling some kind of spiritual instinct that felt right to me.  “She wants you to know that she is sorry. She is sorry that you did not get to live the life you could have.  She wants you to know that she is your number one fan. She wants you to be everything you were always meant to be.  She loves you and always has.” I opened up to Naomi and told her that after my mom passed away, I was finally able to be angry with her.  Yes, I did feel that my childhood was complicated and fraught. I had anger, and it was valid. Still, I never wanted to make my mom feel guilty. She had many things happen to her as a child and a young adult too, and still, she raised me and my brother as kind and compassionate, so she must have done something right!


After Naomi left, I spoke to my mom myself. I told her that I loved her too and that all was well.  There was no need to say sorry because she didn’t do anything on purpose. There wasn’t anything for me to forgive because I didn’t take it personally, and I am the person I am today because of her and my dad.  I love who I am. She did a great job!


This morning as I was squeezing into my jeans, I realized what happened.  When she was slowly dying of cancer over that time frame, I too, had to suffer with her in some way.  I had to sacrifice, like I always did, and which I always did since I was a child.  I sacrificed and felt bad for her. My action of suffering was to regress back to my old abusive ways of eating.  I punished myself with food. In my old days, I ate food that I knew I would get sick from, yet I did it anyway because it tasted so good, and why shouldn’t I have a small piece of what I enjoy? A small comfort, yet a big sacrifice.  


But there was something else at play. Subconsciously, I was telling myself–your mother is suffering, you don’t deserve to focus on healthy goals, and healthy weight. After all, what right did I have being happy and healthy when she was dying?  In some weird way, even though she didn’t know it, I was sabotaging myself. It was my way of saying “I too will suffer with you.”


I now know that that I do not need to suffer because someone else is. And neither do you. Whatever someone else is going through, no matter how much you love them, their issue is still theirs and not yours.  Being kind, compassionate and helpful during their struggle is enough. Self-abuse to prove your love is not love. How can we be the light we know we are if we keep hiding it in the name of empathy, sympathy or some other misunderstanding we have about love? Love yourself first.

This is the reason we teach about affirmations, intentions, and any other self-love act you can do.  Our weight issues have nothing to do with food. And until you realize that, you will always be on a diet or frustrated with your weight. Weight loss programs can change your relationship with food, but you’re the one that needs to change your relationship with yourself.

Over the last two years of my personal life, hence my business as well has been going through a lot of changes.  I have been learning that I need to take care of me. I need to practice self-love consciously, and that doesn’t mean getting a massage or a pedicure once in a while.  I need to change my personal vocabulary and recognize how powerful I, and all human beings really are! My belief systems (habits, decisions, coping skills, stress techniques, and lifestyle) need to change in order for me to be the best, most abundant, loving, peaceful, kind person I can be.


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Founder of Alula Wellness, Nan Jenkins, was Our First Client way back in 2011. Since her success in her journey she has dedicated her life to helping others lose weight and exceed their health goals.

Hundreds of people have completed the Breakthrough M2 program and you can too!

Ray J. lost 92 lbs

in 110 days & went from size 42 to size 32 pants

“This program is life changing! The office team and the support system of the entire Breakthrough family (on Facebook) held me accountable and enabled my success on this program. I lost 92lbs in less than 4 months. My pre-diabetic sugar levels are now normal, my fatty liver reversed, and my cholesterol levels & ratios are excellent! Thank you BTM2 family!”

Thomas M. lost 25 lbs

in 50 days

“I was a skeptic in the beginning until I committed myself to try the program for at least 30 days. I stayed focused on the goal and meal prepped, meal prepped and meal prepped! I am no longer snoring, no more acid reflux, no acne, & had my BP medication reduced. I just feel better!”

Dawn Marie D. lost 112 lbs

in 7 months & went from a size 28 to a 14!

“Absolutely amazing program with incredible support! The tools this program teaches you stay with you if you choose to want a healthy, wonderful lifestyle! I can’t imagine getting here without Breakthrough M2! I’m so grateful for this program. Keep the faith and you can do this!”

Debbie B. lost 24 lbs

in 63 days

“Nothing better than the quick rewards and reinforcement when losing weight fast and safely. What a blessing to have been directed to Nan and her Breakthrough M2 program. Fantastic support, program organization, features and benefits and so affordable. The results are amazing and I am proud of myself for succeeding & reaching my goal! “

Cindy T. lost 21 lbs

in 58 days

"I feel amazing! I used to just have my husband take photos from waist up or I would crop them…now I am loving the full body photo! I can cook my own food within their specifications. I enjoyed talking to my coach every week. I love the heart of Nan and the staff! This really works!

Kristina M. lost 102 lbs

in 7 months

“The Breakthrough M2 Program is amazing, and it changed my life. I never thought I would be able to look or feel as good as I do, but with hard work and determination, I made it! I lost over 100 pounds with this program, and gained my confidence back.”

Cathy R. lost 70 lbs

in 220 days, losing 45 inches & going down 5 sizes!

“I am truly amazed with this program. I have slowly gained weight since I turned 40 and tried half a dozen diets. Nothing worked until now. I’m now 47 and a half. 5 ft 7 and 135 lbs and a size 6 !!!!”

Carol R. lost 33 lbs

and 26 inches in 82 days

“This plan is amazing! Such a simple to follow lo-cal regime, and a total recharge and awareness of mind, body and food connections. I truly believe this is the last diet I will ever be on. (At 68 years old it was about time!) My excema, dry skin, and brittle nails, that have plagued me since my childhood, are gone! Love Breakthrough M2, the plan, the staff, the research and the support!”

Kayla H. lost 80 lbs

in 7 months, going from size XL to a small!

“I was unhappy with my self image for a long time, but the Breakthrough M2 Program was an absolute life saver. My self confidence is back, and I can actually say that I am finally happy with how I look and feel. All my aches and pains have gone away, and I have never felt better! This program is the best thing I have ever done, and I am so happy that I was able to change my life forever.”

Deborah D. lost 21.2 lbs

in 49 days

“Breakthrough M2 helped me get past my weight loss plateau and get to the lowest weight I have been in over 20 yrs.!!! (lower than College and even my senior year of high school)!!! & surpassing my goal weight!! I can now fit a Medium from a size 2X clothing!! Gave me a reason to go shopping!! I love the way I look and feel in my clothes now!!”

JoEllen L. lost 41.4 lbs

and went from a size 16 to a 12!

“I am so blessed to have been introduced to Breakthrough. Thanks to a dear friend that shared it with me. I had very bad stomach issues and after the first week until now I have never been sick!! I have never felt so healthy and thanks to the program and my coach I am on the right track.”

Mallory B. lost 70 lbs

in 191 days and went from a size 14 to a 4!

“When I started this journey, my goal was to lose 50 lbs- I was hopeful, yet skeptical. Fast forward 5 months and I can whole-heartedly say that this program was successful and life changing for me in more ways than I can count. It gave me the structure I needed and a plan that I could incorporate into my daily routine. Some days were easy, and others I struggled to follow the simple rules set before me. While it’s been an emotional rollercoaster, I’ve gained confidence, energy, self esteem and relearned that it’s okay to put myself first!“

Diane L. lost 52 lbs

in 130 days going from a size 18 to an 8!

“This is the only program where I dropped more than 12 pounds.I feel better overall with more energy and less aches. I tried everything from WW to keto. I love Breakthrough M2!”

Maggie S. lost 65 lbs

in 170 days, going from a size 18 to an 8!

“I have struggled to lose weight my whole life. I reached my goal of 135 pounds for the first time since my wedding day 38 years ago. I now have no more reflux, better quality of sleep & my mobility has improved!”

Frank B. lost 62 lbs

in 110 days, going from a size 40” pant to a 34”!

“I was in a place I no longer wanted to be. My blood pressure had consistently been high for the last year, my doctor told me I was a walking heart attack and to start a regimen of medication. I knew I had to make changes as I didn’t want to be imprisoned by medication, plugged into a CPAP machine or fall asleep when I sat down to relax. I started BTM2 & have lost 62 lbs, have energy again, don’t use the CPAP machine as I don’t need it & my blood work shows all numbers down. No regrets!”

Ann W. lost 56 lbs

in 112 days, going from a size 20 to a 14!

“I am amazed how well I did on this program because of its simplicity. This is the first time that I was able to lose 56 pounds in such a short period of time without any exercise. It took dedication and commitment but seeing the weight loss gave me the motivation to continue. I am able to move better such as walking up and down stairs & I have no more acid reflux! I feel amazing and overall better about myself.”

Brenda F. lost 65 lbs

in 110 days going from a size 20 to a 14!

“I have lost 65 pounds in total!!!! Yeehaw! I’m so happy from size 20 to a comfortable 14! I can now wear the ring my hubby gave me when we were first dating 22 yrs ago and I have donated 3 bags full of clothes that are too big!❤! I have found a whole new outlook on life! This program has been a complete game changer! I’m living my best life and I couldn’t have done it without all of you! Thank you and cheers to all of our success! Go Breakthrough!☺️”

Mobile App Incoming

We’re upgrading our online dashboard so you can take it on the go. You’ll get immediate access to your own personal dashboard and app login with every Breakthrough M2 package.

You’ll be able to schedule calls with your coach, explore community recipes, and take part in our Kudos board.

Get excited. Its okay to play on your phone at dinner again.